It’s Not A One Way Street

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I am not a perfect, my beauty lies in my imperfectness.  I know my weaknesses, which I try to work on them daily.  I know my strengths will I rely on throughout my day, as needed.  Through my imperfect mess I know that my best qualities are:  that i’m a caring, loving, considerate, loyal, very forgiving, non-judgmental (as much as I can be),  non-gossip queenish.  I try hard each week, to connect with the people that matter to me and show them in some way shape or form, that I am here and I do care, even when I am silent.  I would drop everything for those people who are important to me, if I can.  But what happens when your the only one making an effort in your relationships?  When you have a “one way street” relationship?

First, let me tell you it can be very hurtful to be in a relationship of any kind, when you are the feel your are the only one making an effort.  Thoughts run through your mind like “Do they even care about me and my family?   Do they value our relationship?  Is it as important to them as it is to me?”  The feelings that derived from a those kind of relationships, can be hurtful, make us sad or angry, and we sometimes just don’t understand why this is happening.  It can affect our self esteem a lot too.

But there is one thing we need to keep in mind during these times.  We need to know that how we are feeling is not the other person’s fault.  The way we react is all on us, since we are the only ones in control of our emotions.  Instead of blaming others for our hurt feelings, we need to look inside ourselves and ask ” why do we feel the way we feel?” Once we ask ourselves those questions and start to understand our feelings, that is when we can begin to move forwards towards happier times, towards a happier you.

Lately, it seems that with some of my relationships, it’s a “one way street” relationship.  That is what I call the relationships that are one sided, with only one of the people involved contributing to it.  Once, I got over my hurt feelings, I began to realize I was feeling this way, because I was trying way to hard with others, when they were interested in me or what I have to offer.  Why try so hard on someone who isn’t interested in you anymore?  Why waste your time dealing with this?  The more I try, the worse I felt.  I am not one to just throw in the towel, when things or relationships aren’t the way I want or pictured they would be like.  Relationships of any kind are work, sometimes hard work.  If we don’t work on them, they wither and die.

For us all, there comes a point in time, when we must say, “enough is enough.  I tried and it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.  Now, I need to put my efforts in where my efforts are appreciated.”  And that, my friends is what I started to do.  Instead, of putting effort into everyone, I am concentrating on the people close to me that value and appreciate what I have to offer and who I am (including my faults).  I am giving more to others who do show me that they do care not just about me but my entire family.  I decided to put more of an effort towards myself too….reestablishing my relationship with myself (as corny as that sounds).  If we don’t have a healthy relationship with ourselves, how can we have it with anyone else?  I know if I follow this road, I won’t have those awful feelings as much and I will be much happier overall.  Plus, my self esteem won’t get hit as hard either.

So if you value your relationships, for your own sake, make sure it’s not a “one way street” relationship.  If it is, communicate your feeling to that person and if nothing changes from that, then its time to move on towards people who do value you.  Otherwise, our feelings could get the better of us and lead us down a sad, lonely, and dark road.

 Do you any relationships like I described above?  How do you handle them?  What did you learn about yourself from having these type of relationship?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this in my comment section 🙂

 

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3 responses to “It’s Not A One Way Street

  • Candace

    I think you have made a very wise decision to focus on people who value and appreciate you. I tried for so many years to make my dad love me and want to be a part of my life. It was definitely a “one way street” relationship. When I finally learned to value myself, I moved on and let him go, knowing it was an incredibly unhealthy relationship. You have shared many words of wisdom here :).

    Like

  • kendraroehl

    This is a beautiful post. So honest and true. Sometimes we need to call something what it is and know when we should keep trying or walk away. Thank you for sharing from the heart!

    Like

  • Living In Green Grass

    So honest and open. Thank you. Sometimes I’m the one that creates a one way street relationship accidentally. I was one of ‘those friends’ that got busy with daily life and forgot to nurture my relationships. I now make an intentional effort to value and invest in my friendships. I’ve also been on the other side where I’m the one left out. It does not feel good. You are right, you have to learn when to let go and just move on. Some relationships are for a season and some for a lifetime, both are valuable.

    Like

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